by Rhys Jones
We can review anger and aggression in order to have a deeper understanding of one’s emotions and strive toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are liable to get really angry if their emotions are aroused. However, frustration does not arise in a short time; in stead, frustration arises when previous issues come into focus. So, frustration is a deep, unsatisfied sense or state of lack of confidence and dissatisfaction arising from unsettled grievances or unsatisfied desires.
Anger then is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were buried waiting for the time to attack, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behavior or viewpoint particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be good if our lives are in danger, but in most instances aggression causes harm.
Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective way of communicating your feelings to someone else individual without causing injury, destruction or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to defend our rights when others are trying to wrong us. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of our life and avoiding further problems.
So, if you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and rethink your beliefs, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the sources that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger rising; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, as the reason for your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are evaluating yourself, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is pointless.
Assertive action against an individual who has wronged you, can prove far more effective than blowing a fuse. We can see from an example, how a person loses his or her temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.
For example, two people are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the individuals was accused of spreading lies about the other. The violent episode attracts the neighbours and the police are called. When the police arrive, both parties are placed in handcuffs and both are taken to jail. Their problems increase since they both may pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. Therefore, one problem led to a series of problems and it does not stop there. When the pair is free of all fines, costs, jail and so forth they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, viewing them as immature, violent people.
Now let us look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of people confront each other after one person has spread rumours around the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and asks, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he is not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came round your house”.
‘Because I drink every time you come to my house does not mean I have a problem. I refuse to allow you to continue dragging my name through the mud and nor will I allow you to visit my home again, if you continue lying about me. Friends do not harm other friends. If you have issues with me confront me with them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a wonderful job asserting himself and the results will most likely prove fruitful. Let us see what happens. ‘I am sorry; I did not mean to offend you. I will talk to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let us go to my place and discuss the issue’.